TARIC CAUGHT RUNNING METH LAB, SAYS CRYSTALS ARE TRULY OUTRAGEOUS

PILTOVER – THE LEAGUE OF LEGENDS THIS FRIDAY WAS DRAGGED INTO CONTROVERSY AFTER ITS STAR CHAMPION TARIC WAS DISCOVERED RUNNING A METH LAB IN UNDERGROUND PILTOVER. SAYS A LEAGUE SPOKESMAN “WE SUSPECTED SOMETHING WAS UP AFTER NOTICING THE SUDDEN DROP IN TARIC’S PERFORMANCE OVER THE PAST FEW TOURNAMENTS. HE’D FORGET TO WARD, MISTIME HIS STUNS AND EVEN BLAME THE AD CARRY FOR MISTAKES THAT WERE CLEARLY HIS OWN.” HE THEN ADDED “WE THEN GOT A TEAM TO TAIL TARIC TO FIND OUT WHAT HE WAS UP TO BETWEEN TOURNAMENTS. WE SOON DISCOVERED THAT TARIC WAS RUNNING AN ILLEGAL METH LAB IN PILTOVER, AND WE PROMPTLY SENT ANOTHER TEAM TO ARREST HIM.”

TARIC’S ARREST COMES AS A SURPRISE TO ALL. SAYS LEAGUE CHAMPION EZREAL “TARIC WAS A FAVOURITE LANE PARTNER. I NEVER THOUGHT HE WOULD GET HIMSELF INVOLVED IN ALL THIS.” EZREAL’S SENTIMENT IS SHARED BY MANY OTHER AD CARRIES. “IT’S DEFINITELY SAD TO SEE HIM GO. BUT COME TO THINK OF IT, WHERE’S THE DEMAND FOR METH IN THE LEAGUE OF LEGENDS? I MEAN, WHAT KIND OF CHAMPION WOULD SACRIFICE TOURNAMENT PERFORMANCE FOR A TEMPORARY HIGH” COMMENTED AN UNUSUALLY JITTERY CORKI ON SATURDAY MORNING.

THE GEM KNIGHT RELEASED A STATEMENT AFTER HIS ARREST. “AS A GEM CONNOISSEUR,” HE REMARKED “IT IS ONLY NATURAL THAT I DABBLE IN CRYSTAL MAGIC.”

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12 thoughts on “TARIC CAUGHT RUNNING METH LAB, SAYS CRYSTALS ARE TRULY OUTRAGEOUS

  1. This is one of the funniest reads I have today. I could not have imagined this write up to be more funnier if it wasn’t all capslocked, Rodanical.

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